RANDOM HUMOR AND JOKES

(make your own punchline for this photo)

Here's some fun for the day…….
TRIVIA:
In which state was the first Wal-Mart store opened?

JOKES:
Q:  How do you attract a vegetarian?
A:  Make a noise like a wounded vegetable.

Q:  What has more lives than a cat?
A:  A frog, it croaks every night.

Q:  What do you call a cow with no legs?
A:  Ground beef



STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES

I like my dental hygienist that cleans my teeth, I think she's very pretty, so I eat an entire box of Oreos while I'm in the waiting room.   Sometimes they have to cancel all the other appointments after me.

I left my apartment the other day and when I came back everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I used to work at a fire hydrant company.  You couldn't park anywhere near the place.




COMIC FUN

Scary Movies for cheese

YOU KNOW YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY WHEN…….

You buy a tube of Krazy Glue and the label falls off..

The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

You sink your teeth into a delicious steak and they stay there.

You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

Your teenager asks to borrow your clothes for Nerd Day at school.



YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING OLD WHEN….

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

Your doctor is old enough to be your grandson.

You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

Your grandchildren study things in history that you studied as current events.

You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.

You stop buying natural foods because you need all the preservatives you can get.


IT'S TIME TO CONSIDER LOSING WEIGHT WHEN……

You rent a canoe and they place large weights at the opposite end to balance it.

You take a trip to the zoo and the children start throwing peanuts your way.

Someone asks to borrow the life preserver around your waist and your not wearing one.

Seven people trying to get a tan ask you to move because you are blocking their sun.

None of your towels fit anymore.



TRICIA'S TWEET OF THE DAY:

A joyful heart is good medicine.  : )

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TRIVIA ANSWER:  

Arkansas


Until next time…..